i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
