I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
