Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
