i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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