Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
