Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
