Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
