Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I CAN MOONWALK!
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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