i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
