Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
