I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
