I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
