i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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