I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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