If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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