i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
