He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
