Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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