Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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