i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
