chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
