my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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