it was like his penis was on wheels.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
