I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
