lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
