I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
