you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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