Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
They took my balls.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize