the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
