You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My sheets look like a crime scene.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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