it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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