do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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