my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
