You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize