It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize