Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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