How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
