i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
