so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
