Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
