Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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