have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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