I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
