dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
