I saw his package. It spoke to me.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
