wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
