This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
