I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Randomize