I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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