i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
