we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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