dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Randomize
