That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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