; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
How external is "for external use only"?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize