when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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