Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
