I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
