I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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