i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
