He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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