That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
