She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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