Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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