32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
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