Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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