Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
