just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My vagina is officially offended.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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